Sheriff Corey Lee’s “Sexiest Stark County” Win Sparks Riots and Rage

DICKINSON, ND — Stark County is teetering on the edge of anarchy after Sheriff Corey Lee, 42, was crowned the men’s division winner of the county’s inaugural Most Attractive Public Servants contest.

What was intended to boost community morale has instead sparked public outrage. A riot is now being organized at Legacy Square this Saturday at 10 PM, with protestors calling the contest outcome “the ugliest miscarriage of justice in pageant history.”

“I’m no Brad Pitt, but Corey Lee?!” said local barista Tammy Kline, brandishing a pitchfork she claims to have “borrowed” from a neighbor’s shed.“The man’s face looks like it was sculpted by a drunk potato farmer. This vote’s shadier than a back-alley dice game.”

Social media has exploded with the hashtag #NotMyHottie, and memes mocking Lee’s official sheriff portrait as “a grumpy catfish in a badge” are going viral.

Contest Organizers Defend Results

The Stark County Tourism Board, which organized the contest, maintains that the process was aboveboard.

“We used a top-notch online voting system—same one they use for ‘Best Gas Station Burrito,’” said contest coordinator Brenda Tuttle, while avoiding flying flip-flops.“Sheriff Lee’s charm clearly resonated. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

Despite her assurance, allegations of ballot-stuffing by Lee’s deputies continue to circulate. Some residents speculate the contest may have been a distraction from unresolved controversies, such as the Corn Stalk Outrage of 2022.

Citizens Demand a Recount

Not everyone is convinced.

“Charm? The only thing Lee’s resonating with is bad lighting,” said local mechanic Gus Porter, who has launched a recount petition on X. It currently has six signatures.

Critics are questioning how a campaign photo resembling “a DMV reject” won the hearts of voters, with one resident suggesting, “That’s not a headshot, it’s a warning.”

Sheriff Lee Responds

Sheriff Lee has stated he will not attend the protest, citing a conflict of interest.

“I didn’t sign up for this beauty nonsense,” Lee told reporters. “I’m here to keep Stark County safe, not to win prom king. Blame the voters.”

Responsibility for managing the crowd now falls to the Dickinson Police Department, a move met with skepticism by locals.

“Those cops couldn’t organize a bake sale, let alone a riot response,” said retiree Marge Hensley, recalling their lackluster handling of a 2023 cow-tipping incident.

Local Businesses Brace for Chaos

Legacy Square, typically the site of craft fairs and community celebrations, has become a staging ground for civil unrest. Businesses are boarding up windows, and the Grub Tub diner is offering a “Riot Special” Knoephla Soup to calm tensions.

“This is what happens when you let a sheriff’s ego run wild,” said bartender Nate Voss. “May the good Lord save us from Corey Lee’s fan club.”

The Fallout

As Saturday approaches, Stark County braces for confrontation. What began as a lighthearted community vote has descended into public disorder. Sheriff Lee’s controversial victory has set off a chain reaction of skepticism, satire, and civic unrest.

Whether he’s a misunderstood public servant or the unwitting symbol of small-town dysfunction, one thing is certain—Stark County’s beauty contest has become anything but pretty.