📢 Why Advertise With Us?

Because:

• We reach real people in Stark County and beyond

• Our readers are intelligent, engaged, and clearly not reading actual news

• No one else is offering ad space next to a story about a raccoon running for mayor

We may not be traditional media, but we are undeniably memorable. If your brand wants to appear next to absurd headlines, badly drawn charts, and oddly passionate local commentary — we’re your people.

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📊 Who Reads This?

According to our extremely scientific internal research:

• 39% are local North Dakotans

• 41% are people who meant to click something else

• 13% are state employees checking if we’ve mentioned them

• 7% are bots that we’ve come to love as family

All of them are potential customers. Or witnesses.

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🤝 What We Offer

We can:

• Place your ad on high-traffic fake news pages

• Feature you in fake interviews (upon request)

• Embed your brand into satirical headlines (e.g., “Local Business Sponsors Mandatory Nap Program”)

• Create bespoke, sponsor-friendly nonsense that’s too good for real news outlets

Custom partnerships, native ad content, shout-outs, and subversive collaborations welcome.

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🧾 Real Talk

We’re small, scrappy, and too weird for traditional ad networks. That’s why we prefer working directly with local businesses, artists, nonprofits, and brands that don’t take themselves too seriously.

You bring the product or service. We bring the fabricated audience.

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📬 Interested?

Let’s talk. Contact our team via:

• Complain to the Editor form (select “Rent Our Credibility” as your category)

• Or send us a carrier pigeon wearing a branded T-shirt

We’ll respond quickly, professionally, and with just enough sarcasm to keep things honest.

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🏷️ Suggested Use Cases:

• Local business trying to stand out

• Politicians with too much budget and not enough shame

• Nonprofits with a dark sense of humor

• Satire-savvy brands looking for something “different” (read: slightly unhinged)

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⚠️ Legal Note (Because Apparently We Need One)

All ad placements will be labeled (somewhat). Satirical integrity will be preserved. Bribes will be considered.