Heartbreaking!!! Local Man Disqualified from National Blow Job Championship Due to Braces

Stark’s Hometown Hero, Austyn Mccfully, Left High and Dry After Judges Rule His Braces a “Safety Hazard”

In a jaw-dropping twist that has left Stark County reeling, local legend Austyn Mccfully was disqualified from the National Blow Job Championship this weekend, mere hours before he was set to take the stage—and the title. The reason? His recently installed braces, which judges deemed a violation of the competition’s strict safety and fairness rules. Held at the Las Vegas Convention Center, the championship was poised to crown Mccfully, the “Blow Job King” as its undisputed champion. Vegas odds had him as the runaway favorite—until the metal in his mouth sparked a controversy.

A Shocking Ruling

The disqualification came as a sucker punch to fans and bettors alike. According to officials, Mccfully’s orthodontic upgrade breached section 3.2 of the championship handbook, which bans “oral enhancements that could provide an unfair advantage or endanger participants.”

Head judge Dr. Ilene Lowe delivered the somber news in a press conference, stating, “We regret to inform Mr. Mccfully that his braces, while intended for dental alignment, pose an unacceptable risk. Safety is our top priority”Mccfully, who had spent years perfecting his technique (rumor has it he trained with boba tea and undersized straws), was blindsided. “This is ridiculous!” he fumed, his braces glinting defiantly under the Vegas lights. “My braces aren’t some performance-enhancing gimmick—they’re just straightening my teeth! I’ve been prepping for this all year, and now I’m out because of a little metal? It’s an outrage!”

Stark County Rallies Behind Its Fallen Star

Back home, the news hit Stark County like a gust of wind. Supporters flooded social media with hashtags like #LetAustynBlow and #BracesArentCheating, while a petition to overhaul the championship rules racked up over 10,000 signatures in under 24 hours. A small but spirited group of locals even made the trek to Vegas, staging a protest outside the Convention Center with signs reading “Free Austyn’s Mouth!” and “Orthodontics Isn’t a Crime!”

Meanwhile, the Vegas odds took a wild turn. With Mccfully out, the spotlight shifted to “Big Mouth Billy,” a Texas loudmouth known for his lung capacity and a technique locals describe as “part tornado, part industrial vacuum.” Bookies scrambled to adjust their lines, and Billy’s odds soared faster than inflation.

A Champion’s Resolve

Despite the heartbreak, Austyn Mccfully isn’t throwing in the towel—or the mouthpiece. “I’ll be back next year,” he vowed, already plotting his orthodontic emancipation. “Braces off, game on. The Blow Job King will rise again, and Stark County will have its day.”

As the championship barrels on without its local hero, one thing’s for sure: this isn’t the last we’ve heard from Austyn Mccfully.

For now, Stark County mourns the loss of what could have been—while secretly wondering if Big Mouth Billy’s reign will blow them all away.